The Big Clean

I’m not a nasty person. I’m really not. I like the house clean—not just neat but clean. I like my things in order. Before I leave work in the afternoon I straighten the stuff on my desk so that I don’t freak out the next day. Things have places and I like for them to be there whenever possible. (All my Mommy friends are laughing at this right now. I know, I know, talk to you in a few years when the kids arrive. I gotcha.) I’m a bit of a “Neat Freak” one might say. I get—slightly—bent out of shape when things get really messy. I—might—throw mini tantrums when dishes pile up or clothes don’t make it to the hamper. I—could—have a panic attack if that pair of shoes/glass/empty bottle/blanket/pillow/magazine/etc. stays there one more minute!! It’s part of who I am.


So please someone tell me why it is that my car looks like it belongs to Pig Pen’s long lost sister?! And it’s not only how it looks. The other morning I got into the car and was accosted by a foulness that I don’t remember smelling before. Panic. That smell! It’s in my car! It’s in the carpet! It’s in the seats! Ew—is it getting on me?! Breathe through my mouth, breathe through my mouth!  Ew, it's in my mouth!  Breathe through my nose, breathe through my nose... 

Action had to be taken. Quickly. I talked to Steven and asked if we could clean my carpets in the car. Sure. Oh good! I can’t deal with this smell. You know what we really need to do… Uh oh, what? Take the carpet completely out and power wash it. I beg your pardon? Yeah nothing gets to be too simple in the Land of Cerame. Rent a steam cleaner (or borrow one)? Nope. Take out the seats and rip the carpet out completely? Abso-freakin-lutely! I was hesitant. I was nervous. I said, “no way, Jose.”

Never before have I questioned a suggestion that Steven has made about a car. Never. Well you know what they say about first times all that. This was not happening. What if it got distorted and didn’t fit in there right when we were done?! Jess, this car is almost 10 years old. There is no way that carpet is going to lose its shape. There’s no simpler way to do this? Of course there is. But this is the best way. Of course it is. And it’s cheaper. Sold.

So Steven took the carpet out.  To the right is a picture of what we saw when he did.   Do I have to tell you again that I'm not nasty?  The stains were awful.  The worst part is that I have no idea where they came from!  I don't remember spilling Coke (or some variation) in the back seat and on the floor.  I don't sit in the backseat!  This is not my fault!  How long had that been there?  Blech. 

After we removed everything we sprayed it down with cleaner (Maybe i got a little over-zealous and sprayed so much that the power of the power washer was unable to completely rid the matts of all the suds. But just maybe.)  and then hung them by the clips at the car wash.  See below. 

Steven gagged a little at the smell that came off the carpet.  The water that ran from it was a murky brown.  Again, not nasty, People!   Well, I'm not but that crap was.  Oh gross, I just noticed that his feet more than likely came in contact with that water!  Eh, after hockey skates, the funk could not have bothered him much. 

We let the carpet dry in the sun and then i doused it with enough Febreeze to choke a small child.  (note: no children or animals were in danger during the cleaning of this vehicle.)  Steven put everything back together (my hero) and now it looks the best it has since I got it!  It's not perfect--a few faint stains remain--but it's a world of improvement.  Now if there was only something we could do about it's seeminly permanent gray tint.  Wash it, you say?  Whatever...