I guess this is old news...

So all you now know that Steven and I are expecting a little one next summer.  I figure there was no point in a big announcement blog since everyone that reads this has already been told.  And you can probably also figure that any news on weight loss will be non-existent for the next several months.  My waistline will be expanding, not shrinking and, well, there's not point in pretending I completely hate that.  If it were just from eating brownies (like the delicious ones we had this weekend) then I might feel bummed about it.  But as of right now, I'm thrilled to one day look down and not see my feet.  So this blog is going to shift.  I'm on one wild ride and think it's only fair that I drag you along with me.  Kick and scream if you must...it won't do you any good.

Finding out you're having a baby is a strange experience.  It was what we wanted.  It was the plan.   And then, all of a sudden, it was the reality.  Two lines?  That means yes right?  Right?  Really?  You sure?  Steven and I were simutaneously completely thrilled and  in complete shock.   But that happened so fast.  Does it always happen that fast?  Wait, two lines?  Really?  

I don't remember crying, just tearing up a bit and then feeling like i was going to puke.  (Foreshadowing the months ahead?)  Steven never got up from where he was sitting on the bed.  He just grinned the happiest grin ever.  But he never moved.  I just stood in the doorway to the bathroom.  Tummy turning and mind racing.  Not quite sure what to do next.  We'd laugh nervous, out of nowher laughs, and kept saying, "I can't believe that" and "You know, I had a feeling!"  We didn't know what to think but we knew we were in it together.  And that is an amazingly comforting thought.  

I don't think either of us slept all that great that night.  And in the morning I took a second test--just to be sure.  False positives are very rare.  But I didn't want to be in that itty-bitty percentage.  Second test, two lines again.  Baby Cerame was no longer a future project; he or she was in there, waiting for us to figure it out.  But it wouldn't take long for our little bundle of joy to turn into our Tiny Terror. 

Pregnancy is not easy.  And it doesn't treat everyone the same.  It's a jerk like that.  All your friends may have experienced things in a certain way. That does not, for one tiny second, mean that your pregnancy will match theirs at all.  This is a journey that is very clearly unique for everyone.  And over the months to come, i'll be all too happy to tell you all about my one of kind pregnancy.  All I can say at this point is that this better be one fantastic baby!  

Long time...

So under persistent questioning from my friends (Courtney, Tiffany and Mary Alice, I'm referring to you) and now a not-so-subtly pushy email from my sister that all but sent me to my room with no supper, I have decided to write a blog entry.  Yes, it's been a while.  No, I will not give you excuses.  But I know you're dying to hear what's been going on with my oh-so-entertaining life. Don't lie.  Why else would you be here?  And so...let's do this...

Can i ask you something?  Why is it that when a man is in need of a certain type of shirt, all he has to do is go to Wal-Mart, grab an $8 polo and call it a day?  Does he have to try it on? No.  Does he worry it won't fit or flatter? Sure doesn't.  Does it work for him every time?  Why yes, it does.  How is this fair?!  Can a woman walk in, grab a shirt and go? Not this one.  Can i say, "oh, golly that's my size!  I'll just take it.  No need to try it on and see if this size ** (did you think I was going to put my size up here?!) is the same as all the other size ** i have in my closet."  Nu-uh.  It don't work that way.   


Let me explain my rant.  Steven and I have been pretty busy the last month--with every weekend having something planned.  During two of these weekends we were required (one self-imposed, one not) to find solid shirts to wear for pictures.  Now the first was a gray shirt for a family picture with my sister, Brian (her other half) and the kiddies.  (Pictures below because they are adorable)  Meredith and I decided on the color choice and figured it would be easy to find something.  Why did I not call upon my 28 years of clothing experience to tell me that not only would it not be easy, it would be annoyingly difficult to find something that i have pretty much made mandatory that I have.  That's how it goes.  You need gray?  The clothing racks laugh at you and say, "HA!  all we have is white and black!  And some awful shades of mustard and poop that no one will buy. Take that!"  Steven on the other hand, walked into Wal-Mart, picked up an $8 polo and never tried it on.  Fabulous.  I never did find a gray shirt.  So that's why Steven and I are in black.  His shirt, he walked into Wal-Mart, picked up and bought for $8 without trying it on. Jerk.  


The truth is that there were lots of gray shirts.  But none of them fit.  They were either too big or too small.  More were too small but there's no need to rehash the pain.  When it came time to find my next shirt needed (a white one for Steven's Mimi's 80th birthday family picture--quite the title huh?) i figured, this can't be too hard.  White shirts are everywhere.  Well, by everywhere I clearly did not mean Clayton, NC or surrounding towns.  I looked, and looked and looked for a stinking white shirt.  Well wouldn't you know I found tons of GRAY!  


See, i own two white shirts.  One, is still a liiiiiitttle bit too small.  The buttons are pretending to be the repellent sides of a magnet.  It's a slight issue when you want to wear your clothes in public.  Well, for me anyway--some people don't care.  The other one i have is way too big.  Big smile!  I bought it in my "this is the biggest i have ever been" phase.  So i was happy it would not work.   I finally found a shirt on the CLEARANCE rack at Target!  YAY!  i really like this shirt.  I really should have never washed it.  Because when i did, it shrank.  Nice. Is it too tight?  No.  Is it now so short that it hovers dangerously close to my belly button.  oh yes.  Will i ever wear it again?  Fat freakin' chance.  Oh, by the way, Steven bought an $8 white polo from Wal-Mart that he never tried on.  Fit fine.  Didn't shrink.  He'll wear it again.  Good for him.      


Ok, so moving on to something a little more positive.  Since the last time I posted I've been continuing the eating overhaul.  And let me tell you, last week, I hauled in a lot of food.  I was ravenous.  I was never satisfied.  And by the time it was over, I decided it best not to weigh.  Oh, and I felt like ass.  Yeah, that's the best word to describe it--sorry to any sensitive ears.  So this week it was back to the grind.  I ate better--felt better.  I exercised--felt better.  And i hit a new milestone.  40 pounds!!  Oh yeah, that's right.  Take a look again...FORTY POUNDS!  (looks even better in that form doesn't it?)  


I had been hovering in the 30's--no small feat, but completely unsatisfying after about four weeks.  Something had to give.  And i'd be damned if it was going to be the waistband of my pants.  I felt the inflation of the tube coming on and went into panic mode.  Has this become a trend for me?  I'm honestly a bit worried about that.  I do terribly for a week or so and then do a 180* and get back on track.  How do i stay on track for two weeks straight? Well, we certainly won't find out in the next few days.  I'm going to Charleston.  And i'm going to enjoy myself.  In case you have yet to notice, me enjoying myself includes yummy food.  Who would have guessed?!  

Love the gray and black! 

Us and Hillary

crazy kids

Cole

All the kids--Big Ones included

Add caption

Sisters

Diary of a Hungry White Woman

I have weigh-in tonight.  And I'm scared.  Really scared.  I've done all my workouts, even upping my weight routine and crunches.  (PS--crunches really start to hurt when you hit 125.  Not while you're doing them.  But later that night, while you're lying in bed trying to sleep, sharp pains will run down your sides.  The burn means it's working, right?  Lord I hope so!) But my eating habits have been pretty poor. 

I've had to run out to lunch twice this week due to a forgotten sandwhich and one mistakenly made with moldy bread.  Yum.  I did try to do the healthist thing I could find--a Jersey Mike's sandwich.  A salad is healthier you say?  Well where were you on Monday and Wednesday?!  I got a mini, turkey sub on wheat bread with no mayo.  The rest of the stuff on there was veggies so that counts as a salad, right?  Anyway, of my choices at good ol' JM's that one was pretty good.  So I ate it both days.  Yeah, the people working there noticed.  And yeah, I don't care. 

Then for dinner on Tuesday I was on my own--Steven went straight to hockey from work.  So I ate those Tyson Anytizers (aka frozen, fried "chicken" bites) with--wait for it--ranch dressing.  I heard you gasp. I know, I know.  It's ridiculous.  I won't even mention the sqaush I ate with it.  Yes, squash is a vegetable.  But once my Mama gets done with it, every ounce of nutritional value has been beaten from it.  But dang it was good! 

Last night I had dinner with my homie Jaime.  (love, love, love that girl!) We were good little healthy eaters and went to Harris Teeter and made our own salads.  Oh yes we did!  And then we went to Starbucks for Iced White Chocolate Mochas (small, er tall, er whatever they call the little ones there).  Oh, and a slice of coffee cake.  It was low(er) fat!  

Today I made tuna for lunch.  After I mixed in the mayo i realized that not only had i used way too much (I really try to limit it) but I used the real kind!  I have low fat mayo (yep, it's just as ick as it sounds) and Steven has regular fatty, fat mayo (yeah, the good kind).  I used his.  And I'm going to eat it.  sigh* For dinner we are trying a chicken enchilada recipe (courtesy of my friend Mary Alice) that is a healthier version of one of our favorite dishes.  So, minus my mayo fiasco, today should be ok. 

The scale doesn't lie (Actually I find him to be a superbly capable liar.  I refuse to believe some of the numbers he throw at me!) so we'll find out for sure how my eating messed with me this week.  Oh and did I mention that I'm hungry right now?!  Yeah, it's true.  And I want a cupcake.

For richer for poorer...For bigger for smaller

I know you're going to anyway, but don't laugh.  This past Sunday, in a moment of pure curiousity (and, quite honestly, giddiness) I put my wedding dress on.  Yep, sure did.  I love that dress.  and ever since it's been hanging in my closet not getting the love it deserves, i have wanted to put it back on and dance around the house.  

Steven and I had just finished our morning pop tart and cereal, respectively, and he mentioned that I should try the dress on to see how diffierently it fits me since having lost some weight.  It really would be the best piece of clothing i have to test such things.  It's the only part of my wardrobe that has never been washed (Ok, don't judge me.  One day I will get it cleaned and preserved.  Promise.) or thrown in the dryer or worn repeatedly.  I have shirts and pants that would never be considered true to size because they have been through the rigours of everyday life far too many times.  Do you really think that shirt you've dried every week since you bought it a year ago is still a Medium?  (Clearly, i'm talking to you.  I own no such thing as a Medium.)  Well, it ain't.  But my wedding dress?  Well, that's some seriously untouched fabric.   The perfect template if you will.

I pulled the huge garment bag out of the spare bedroom closest and hoisted it over my shoulder to bring to our room.  I unzipped the bag (well, the part that wasn't already torn open anyway.  Thanks, David's Bridal.  That much for a dress and you can't at least give me a bag that doesn't shred upon contact with feathers?) and out came all the ruffles, all the sparklies, all the girly giggling that I had the first day I put it on.  I had to tell Steven (again) what it was like being there and finding that dress.  (Big thanks to Tiff who told me to try it on even though it had all these features I swore I didn't want--ruffles, sparklies, sweetheart neckline)  I stepped into the dress and turned to be laced up.  

And it didn't fit.  It just plain didn't fit.  It was too big.  Way too big.  I'm a girl who is used to things being too small.  And this was falling off of me!  And there was no amount of tightening on Steven's part that would have made it work.  Now I think I've established how much I love my wedding dress, but I could not be more thrilled that I can't wear it.  It's not like i need it or have somewhere to go that a white, bridal gown, complete with train, would be called for.  At least not at the moment.  

For all my elation I also got a little down.  Why?  Well, it's like i asked Steven.  Why didn't I do this sooner? I feel like there were all these things that I didn't enjoy to the fullest because of all this extra weight I was pulling around.  I wondered aloud at how much better our wedding pictures would have been.  Steven stopped me and said, "that's silly.  our day way perfect; i wouldn't change a thing."  And that's why I bought the big white dress, complete with sparklies and ruffles, and walked down the aisle to him.

Cheaters Never Win. Define Never.

I'm not sure if you've noticed but I've been hiding something from you.  It's true.  When I started this blog I promised myself that I would put it all out there when it came to my new healthier lifestyle.  The good, the bad and the pudgy.  It was going to be my motivation; a way to keep me accountable for what I've done.  So when i started cheating a bit on my diet, i started posting fewer blogs.  Lying by omission I guess.  I might have (definitely did) left out (completely avoided) a few (all) of the less positive (bad, bad, bad) details of my last few weeks.  And for this, i am sorry (kind of).


See, things were going so well that i didn't want to let you know that i had slipped a little.  And at times, a lot.  I gained some of my weight back and i did it pretty quickly.  It freaked me out but not enough to stop me from my downward spiral.  Those terrible foods that are oh-so-yummy called my name and wouldn't let me go.  I ate Mexican (often), cookies, chips, things covered in cheese, things covered in grease, cookies (oh, did i mention those already?), and lots of other things that i had sworn off or at least had limited to once-in-a-while treats.  


On top of this i stopped working out.  See, it's hot outside.  Like stupidly, humid hot.  And when the thermostat gets set on Hades i have a hard time pushing myself to do anything that makes me voluntarily sweat.  During the time of year when the short walk from my car to the house makes me feel sticky and rundown, all i want to do when i walk in the door is change into comfy clothes and cool down.  Jumping on the elliptical is not a cool down type of activity.  It's a sweaty one.  And, dang it, i'm tired of sweating!!!


I guess my wake up call came when i went to put on a pair of pants that had gotten loose and realized that they were beginning to fit a little tighter.  This was not the direction I was supposed to be going in.  The scale was not supposed to be going up.  I was letting myself down.  I was cheating.  And cheaters never win.  Well mostly.  


See, the thing is that I have cheated throughout this entire process.  On the weekends I have allowed myself to indulge in things that I dare not touch during the week.  Want a cookie?  Sure. Have one.  (O-N-E!!)   Need to go eat Mexican on a Saturday night?  Sure. Make that your big cheat meal for the weekend.  This way has worked for me.   I don't go cold turkey on things i love to have and by doing so i don't crave them all the time.  I watch myself pretty closely throughout the week and then get to cheat a bit on the weekends.  Or i substitute a weeknight for a weekend day.  Either way i was still loosing weight.  So cheaters can win.  But when your cheating turns into your lifestyle, you lose.  That's the difference.  The cheating was taking over.  And i've come to far to go back now.  


So about a week and a half ago i got off my butt, threw my excuses out the window, and got back on track.  I have worked out almost every day (most days getting up before work to do so) and have gone back to eating like I know what I'm doing.  I've planned meals better, watched my portions, and sweat it out with a purpose.  I've even added weights and crunches to my workouts.  I'm serious about losing this weight.  All of it.  


I had a doctor's appointment last week and since March 1st, I've lost 35 pounds.  So I've lost the extra I gained--thank goodness!  There's no stopping me now and i promise that I'll tell the truth from now on.  I might cheat here and there.  But I promise you I'm still going to win.    

Yankee Doodle Went To Town...

It's that time of year again!  Time for cookouts and gatherings and loud fireworks.  Time for spreading your blanket on the nearest field and waving your flags.  Independence Day is a pretty special holiday for Steven and me.  Well, July 3rd anyway.  It's when things kind of started for us.  It was the beginning of the beginning, if you will.  It meant enough that we have the word "fireworks" engraved in our wedding bands.  And we have yet to miss a year.  No matter what, we will be together for the 4th and we see some fireworks.  

This year we went twice.  On the 3rd we met up with Sabrina (who, by the way, was present for that first year Steven and I watched the fireworks together.  She's a special part of our history that way.), her hubby, Jeremiah, and their new little one Harrison.  My BFF Tiffany and her baby-daddy (well, fetus-daddy until October) came up and headed out to Wake Forest with us.  We had a great time watching the show from the football field at Heritage High School.  There was a band and parachuters and one of the best finales I have ever seen.  Pictures from the night are below.  


July 4th found us in Archer's Lodge, NC.  Where you ask?  It's that newly minted town right down the road from Clayton.  You know, one of those tiny, blink and you'll miss it places.  Or blink and get hit by a crazy person driving way too fast down Main Street after the fireworks were done and everyone was filing out of the little fields in droves!!  The driver and Steven shared a lovely conversation.  It was loud, heated and included a few bad words.  You know, straight from the heart, Hallmark material stuff.  


Mike and Mandy took their sweet baby girl, Addie, and she was a champ.  The only thing that seemed to bother her was the slight delay between fireworks.  Come to think of it, that was the only thing that bothered all of us.  Addie was just a bit more vocal about it.  After it was done we headed back to Mike and Mandy's for some ice cream sundaes.  And the next day we didn't even have to go to work.  How perfect is this holiday?! 

  

We've got (really cute) mail!

So Courtney came over on Sunday and created one of the cutest mailboxes ever!  The truth is that I get stupid excited about putting our last name on anything.  Maybe it's because it's only been my last name since October '09.  The newness hasn't worn off yet!  Anyway, the thought of having it on the mailbox in a super cute way thrilled me.  And I wasn't about to use those sticker letters you can buy at your local Wal-Mart.  (No offense to any of you that has those. Really, they're nice.  I mean, you know, not bad at all.  Er, ummm, well, yeah)

Courtney has been making some seriously cute stuff for some seriously awesome prices and as soon as I saw her mailbox creation I knew I had to have it.  Hello, it's our name! So take a look at the picture and at Courtney's blog (The Funky Dot) to see some seriously wonderful (and NAMED!) hand-made stuff! 

And yes, our mailbox is up outside.  I however did not feel it necessary to display to the world our dead flowers (sad, i know) and bird poop-covered post.  Both of these things will be remedied this weekend.  Hopefully. 

I think we need a bigger beach...

Peeling forehead?  Check.  Flip flops covered in sand that won't wash away?  Check.  More freckles than should be allowed on one face?  Check!  Sounds like someone went to the beach.  And that someone was me!  After over a year away from the waves, I finally got to go back to the sun, sand and surf. 


Months ago I got an email from my friend and "soul mate" (right, court?) Courtney about heading to her parents' place at the beach for a weekend.  I believe the words "you can't say no" appeared more than once.  Well, then, "yes" it is!  Not that my arm had to be twisted mind you.  So last Friday Courtney, her friend Stephanie (who is now my friend; Facebook says so) and I made our way to the place where the air is most humid. 

As soon as we got to Topsail (or some variation in the same two-mile radius--the name changed often and I couldn't keep up) on Friday and took our things inside, Stephanie brought out all her little friends.  Here she is to the right, friend in hand. 

I will spare everyone the details (this is a family blog, after all) but my old arch-nemesis Vodka showed up.  He charmed me with his hidden evils, cleverly disguised in a chocolate martini, and before I knew it I was making late night calls to everyone from Steven and my sister to Stephanie's husband.  Good ol' V and I have broken up.  Again.  For good this time.  I promise!! (PS--Thank you, Courtney, for making sure I didn't die.)

The next morning (when the sun was a bit too bright and my head was pounding in my ears) we hit the beach!  We spent time walking with our feet in the water and looking for various treasures that had washed up on the shore.  I need to tell you that I did this walking without a cover-up.  That's right, ladies and gentleman, I walked around in nothing but my bathing suit.  This is a major personal vicotory for me.  Clearly we did not document this in photos (i'm certainly not there yet!) but I promise it happened. 

After the beach we hit the pool where Courtney would enjoy the water.  She's got a thing about fish and seaweed and sharks and sand fiddlers and stingrays and anything that may attack, brush up against or swim next to her in the ocean.  The pool did have one danger that the ocean didn't.  Other. People's.  Kids.  We were brave and stuck it out for as long as we could.  But once "Marco Polo" headed to the deep end, it was done. 

Later that evening, while walking along the beach (in the opposite direction as before for some variety) we saw some pretty interesting things.  Things that confirmed Courtney's fears of the deep blue (or grayish green) sea.  First there was the sting ray.  On the shore.  Yeah, out of the water!  A fisherman had accidentally caught him while clearly trying to catch, well, fish. 

Here's how I think about wild animals.  If one hurts me while I'm in its habitat, well then, that's on me.  I know sting rays are in the ocean.  I take that chance when I go in the water.  And this sting ray did not choose to be on land.  So he's forgiven his trespass into people places.  Because clearly, we can go into their homes but under no circumstances should they intentionally come into ours.  (Yeah, yeah, not logical.  Umm...don't care.)

So the stingray didn't do anything wrong.  But this next guy?!  Just who the heck does he thing he is?!  Silly shark, land is for humans!!   Ok, this is where i draw the line.  Those things have lots of teeth.  Lots.  Of.  Teeth.  (PS--he was alive and someone picked him up and threw him back in the water.)

Granted I thought it was awesome to see a shark that close and not be in an aquarium.  I'm a bit of a shark nerd, ask my husband.  My favorite movie is Jaws (the first one.  Two was good, Three was ok and Four should have never been made!), I am an avid watcher of the Discovery Channel's Shark Week, I love to visit aquariums with shark displays and I drug my husband to the Museum of Natural Sciences to see the Megaladon exhibit.  When I was a child my parents took me to Sea World where I (accurately, mind you) named all the sharks in the tank.  Like I said, nerd.  But even this dork draws the line with sharks on land.  And yeah, he's small.  But it's just for now.  They get bigger.  Lots bigger.   

Including and despite the shark sighting, it was a wondeful weekend.  Just three girls (a stingray and a shark) hanging out.  Oh and what would a vacation (even small weekend ones) be without the obligatory self-portrait?  See below :)

Is that a cow in my yard?

When Steven and I first started looking for houses we had a few items on our wish list.  Well, make that a few thousand.  But there were only a few (really, this time) that were "have-to-have" type things.  Individually we wanted things that were a bit different.  For the man of the house it was a garage.  His baby had to have a home!  Click for a reminder.  I had two main have-to-have's; an actual laundry room and a front porch big enough for at least two rocking chairs.  Check.  Check.  And Check. 

Together our main thing was to be somewhere we could have some land.  We didn't need a ranch or anything but we didn't want to reach out of our window and touch our neighbor's house.  I'm all about liking the neighbors but i don't need to hear alarms or activities in other homes.  We wanted a house in Johnston County.  In other words, The Country.  And we got just that.    

There are a few ways to know for sure that you live in The Country.  One of the first tell-tale signs is the over abundance of farms.  On the way home, I pass multiple fields, all growing something that someone or something will be eating in the months to come.  Rows as far as you can see full of everything from corn to strawberries.  

Where there are farms, there is farm equipment.  All the roads that we drive on day to day have been there for decades.  And back when they were nothing more than dirt and rock and clouds of dust, tractors roamed free.  Well, in Johnston County, they still do.  When it's plowing time, picking time, planting time or any time in between, you're going to eventually find yourself stuck behind a tractor going just over the speed of snail.  On occasion, the nice man at the wheel might pull over as far as he can and wave you around.  But mostly you're stuck.  I guess they figure they were there first.  And they'll be there last at that rate. 

From our front porch i hear church bells, crickets and the wind in the trees.  We have deer that roam through our yard at night and a giant bunny that murders flowers.  There are fireflies by the hundreds (they're kinda magical, aren't they?) and 100 times as many stars.  And, on random afternoons, when looking out in to the back yard, you just might see this...

Yeah, that's a cow.  Not sure if you can really tell from the picture but that's what it is.  The tangle of trees and other shrubbery that you see marks our property line.  There's a little wire fence that keeps the cows on their side and us on ours.  It's so little you can't even see it there.  And that cow was staring Steven down while he took this picture.  It was really funny actually.  Well, funny until a cow takes you down.  I guess that's something else you could hear about in the country. 

Oh, Baby!

Steven and I are surrounded by babies. Everyone we know has had one, is about to have one, or is seriously considering making one. Just this past weekend, we welcomed another little bundle of joy into the world. Harrison Monroe Swann was born on Saturday, June 12th at 12:18 a.m. He’s a little thing, weighing in at just over five pounds. But he’s got a head full of hair and has two parents already completely wrapped around his adorable little finger. At the bottom are a few shots of Steven and me with Lil’ Man.

It’s funny how life shifts. There was a time when the talk was boyfriends. Who are you dating? Do your parents like him? You’ve been together a few months?! That’s crazy! And then it all changed to marriage. Do you think he’ll ask you? When’s the big day? A few months from now?! That’s crazy! And now it’s all about the babies, Baby. When are you due? In a few months?! That’s crazy!

Babies are definitely on the brain. Big ones, little ones, not quite here ones. Ones that have grown into “big boys” and “big girls.” Shy ones, loud ones, perfectly perfect in every way ones. (Sorry, I slipped into a little Dr. Suess there.) I think of all the changes, of all the shifts from one life topic to the next, this is the biggest. Going from being just you to just two to adding one more is a big deal. I love watching my mommy friends. It’s amazing to see them with their children and to have been lucky enough to have known most of them from the beginning. Katie, Luke, Collin, Addie, Harrison, soon-to-be London. There's Hillary and Cole and Gracie and Maggie.  I feel like these kids are my friends. Little miniature homies that I just know I will love, love, love forever.